be silent. be still.

i should be forcing myself to sleep. had barely 4 hours last night. nothing very specific in my mind. but i guess the looming event in my life is taking its toll. just when everything should've been right on schedule, unplanned circumstances just pop out. timing is key, i should say. i could stay up all night again, but can i really decide? darn! i feel so unprincipled, weak, fickle-minded! so far, 2 of my 3 consideration points were being "discussed". i'll know in a couple of hours. gahh, here i am, beating the clock again! pati ba naman sa resignation, me pressure?! i feel like im flying 2 equally built kites. i can't hold on to both. i have to let go of one. it's just convenient to have a lot of options, but when they turn you gaga, it's no good.

it feels to good to be needed. to be cited as an asset to the company. but you gotta stop and give room for doubts. all sweet nothings, and eventually, when they've gotten you back in their wings, nothing has changed. aiyahh! i should know my priorities. im just too scared to have no work before quitting. ano ba talaga??! i was talking to the top management people and i felt humbled to be contacted by them.. lil old me. after the chitchat, i felt good and said to myself, maybe i can try the position. and now, writing this entry, imagining my life in pinas.. im beginning to be swayed to just move back. to the left, to the right. which way ar?!

i need a moment of prayer. of silence. of respite. of sleep. it's calling me. hush hush.

thinking X times

im quite confused lately. why am i having second thoughts about leaving? ive thought long and hard about this decision and suddenly, a few days before my impending leave, here i am, thinking twice. fact is, i have nowhere definite to go. all i know is i want to recharge first. arrange a few personal matters while looking for a job in a company that i would hopefully retire in. that's me planning long-term. 2 offers are presented to me now. both in the same group of companies. job responsibilities-wise, they seem to fit the direction i want to go to. that's just the basic consideration. others have to be agreed on, still like compensation (very important ar). my other factor is, i want to be home for mama's bday. meaning, i can only start to work again in hk by May. i dont know if this is ok with the boss. im still gathering my options but i should be deciding soon. if all else fails though, i will stick to my original plan.

im torn with leaving and accepting either of the 2 offers because 1) i dont have to go through the trouble of finding work elsewhere 2) im dont have to be penniless and idle for some time 3) i can continue with my working visa and hopefully until i get the PR. the reasons are valid though i guess i have some priorities set out, and career is secondary. i miss my lifestyle in pinas where work is only in the office and weekdays. outside the office activities means hanging out with fwends to unwind, travel to different places, spend time with family. when i log in to facebook and see my cousins all grown up, i feel that we can relate more now than ever. it's like they grew up without me knowing. i used to carry them around and now, they're all taller than me and can carry me with those buff bodies. oh, how i would enjoy having a drinking session with them. hahaha!

i want to make a sound choice to make the least regret when i look back on this day. i just want to do things that will make me happy vs having security , stability in my career. if i can just find the same security in pinas.. or sg. i wouldn't be thinking twice now. in the coming days, as i talk with the company about their offer, i'll know if we can agree on sumthin. if the offer doesnt sound good to me, then it's really time to go. let's see what the coming days has in store for me. what to do? what to do?

Lord, help me set my priorities right. Grant me the grace to put You above all else for it is only in You that I will become truly satisfied and abundant.

that crazy little thing...

here i am... still savoring that moment.. lovely. rewind. had i brief quality time with my kras. love love love!

my friend and i were on our way back to the office when we saw him waiting at the lift lobby. yosi time for him. we said our cordial hi's and hello's when he suddenly invited me to have a light with him.. (you bet i would! light me up! hahaha OA much?!) before i could excitedly say YES, my friend nudged me a bit, seeing that i would decline. i just didnt think, and said, 'sure , ill be back in a bit' pointing to my kikay kit - to put it back in my drawer. i sat for a few seconds in my desk thinking against going coz i was supposedly sick. (haha, just got out of colds and fever) i hesitated for a bit and said.. carpe diem! this is my alone time with him! haha so i went out. there he was waiting for me. awwww too sweet. i can die now! hahahaha damn! down in the smoking area, we found another officemate.. who chatted me for a bit. but i was secretly wishing that he finishes his ciggy and go up. NOW! thankfully, after a few banters here and there, he was off.. buh-bye!

okai, quality time resumes now. we talked about our work in the company, the salary, his transfer to another department (closer to mine! eeekkk!), his interest in stocks, piano, jay chou (i gotta learn more about this guy). he was asking about me.. i forgot what exactly. guess i was engrossed in knowing more about him. looking at him. wahahaha oh wait, he insisted on asking how old i was. and boy is he right about his guess. damn! hahaha i feel old... and look it. reality check for me ar! after that session, went back to work. he proceeded to their room and i went to the washroom. i just had to calm my nerves and wash that stupid smile off my face. gotta look cool.

in my seat, i relished that encounter. tarayyy mo teh! made me more interested in him. the way he talks with his british accent, his cool approach in life, his interest in things. those things, associated with youth.. you know it! he's still young. realistically though, i want to get to know him coz he seems nice and cool. i just think we can jive even as friends. usually, i think, i get along better with non-locals. same level of humour, thinking. i guess. seldom do i find ones that i easily connect to. ergo, when i see one, i grab him, este the chance. sensya, me malisya na teh! hahaha

janet jackson: number ones in HK

happy hearts' day ALL! and im celebrating it with Janet! wuhoo! it's my first (and probably the last?) time im going to watch a concert here in HK. venue is in HKCEC. first time to go inside too. im just completely in awe at how huget the place is! haha i just go there in the area to tour my visiting friends , near the bauhinia square and watch the fireworks during CNY. inside, HKCEC though, it's really huge. there are a LOT of function rooms, restaurants, halls where concerts/shows can be held simultaneously. as you see, i can't seem to move on yet , venue pa lang. hahahaha

concert was slated to start at 8pm. but crowd just started to pour in at that time. we took an express dinner , este snack lang coz we didnt want to be late. had to leave the office at 6pm to make sure we're on time. show started a few mins before 9pm, ending at 10:30ish. the concert was just AWESOME! given the songs were just amazing, janet still got the moves! lavetttt! it's one big partey! our seats were a bit far but given the size of the hall, im ok with it. at least, our area is elevated compared to those more expensive tickets. they had to stand up all the time. i saw more expats than locals in the crowd. no surprise in that, i guess. the crowd was a bit restrained i think, compared to the YT videos i saw from Manila. haha i miss the rowdiness. but, suffice to say, we enjoyed it. never mind if we're the only ones in our area standing, shouting, singing. heck, we're there to enjoy every minute of the concert!

janet sang all her hits, too bad, i dont know some. haha my faves, and everyone else's : together again, black cat, rhythm nation, miss you much, again, all for you, let's wait awhile, to name a few. i was secretly hoping she'd sing someone to call my lover, everytime, whoops now but to no avail. no encore too. she has very limited spiels. i was "bitin" so to speak but i just try to understand that it must be her age, so she has to set some boundaries too. hehehe she had a lot of dance medleys, 80%. but, then again i thought, what would a few more slow slongs do to her? hahaha aiyahh! this fan just wont give up!

after the concert, it was freezing outside, with drizzle adding to the cold weather. we ate some more and watched on YT the songs we missed. hahaha janet j hangover, i know! it was a fun night! i realized i miss watching live concerts, and grooving to the music. next on my list... michael buble in hkcec? hmm, but too expensive. and too soon. maroon 5 in manila, maybe? let's see...

happy valentines day! love love love!