be silent. be still.

i should be forcing myself to sleep. had barely 4 hours last night. nothing very specific in my mind. but i guess the looming event in my life is taking its toll. just when everything should've been right on schedule, unplanned circumstances just pop out. timing is key, i should say. i could stay up all night again, but can i really decide? darn! i feel so unprincipled, weak, fickle-minded! so far, 2 of my 3 consideration points were being "discussed". i'll know in a couple of hours. gahh, here i am, beating the clock again! pati ba naman sa resignation, me pressure?! i feel like im flying 2 equally built kites. i can't hold on to both. i have to let go of one. it's just convenient to have a lot of options, but when they turn you gaga, it's no good.

it feels to good to be needed. to be cited as an asset to the company. but you gotta stop and give room for doubts. all sweet nothings, and eventually, when they've gotten you back in their wings, nothing has changed. aiyahh! i should know my priorities. im just too scared to have no work before quitting. ano ba talaga??! i was talking to the top management people and i felt humbled to be contacted by them.. lil old me. after the chitchat, i felt good and said to myself, maybe i can try the position. and now, writing this entry, imagining my life in pinas.. im beginning to be swayed to just move back. to the left, to the right. which way ar?!

i need a moment of prayer. of silence. of respite. of sleep. it's calling me. hush hush.